Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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