where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize