Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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