This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
how drunk are you?
Several
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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