On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize