two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
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the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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