I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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