I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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