Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize