awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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