After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
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Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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