She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My liver just had a heart attack.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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