i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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