it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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