there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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