My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize