Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
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I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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