He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
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After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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