So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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