What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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