babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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