Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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