She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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