cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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