I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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