Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
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I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
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So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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