Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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