I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize