Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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