I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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