im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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