I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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