my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize