nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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