First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
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Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
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I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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