If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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