people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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