You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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