Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i think im in europe. pls send help
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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