Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize