i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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