just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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