i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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