he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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