Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Drunk is not a location!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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