I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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