I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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