so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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