ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
zippers are such a cool invention
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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