She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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